Visited with Isabel at her home on Sunday from 4PM to 5:30PM. Tried to discuss the rationale of apartment retirement community living. Wow! do you 3 have your hands full getting this independent woman to move!
She was very clear and strong about her opinions on moving to an apartment. I don't think she understands the concept of the living situation of a retirement/senior living apartment lifestyle. Need to educate her on this. Visitations and trial periods will be a must if you ever get her that far.
Steve, I tried to stay to observe the administration of her medication B-12 nasal dosage and to be aware if ever needed on any occasion. Oh, well maybe another time as I know you were busy.
Anyway, had lunch at our house after mass today. Prepared a simple meal with soup and sandwiches. She thought it was wonderful food! We told her this was what we would be having anyway. Really didn't want special treatment. She was willing to have soda as I offered her something to drink -- juice? water? diet soda? or regular soda? Coke was fine she said.
We enjoyed visiting during lunchtime talking about different things. She asked Jesus about three times if he would be in Baton Rouge this week and when would he be returning. She remember that my brother lives in BR. No time to visit this trip as Jesus is working and giving reports daily.
Later as Jesus was getting some things ready for trip, Isabel and I talked in the living room.
Mostly catching up about kids, etc. jobs they have presently. General information. I talked she mainly listened. She asked me if Sarah has purchased a house? I said yes, we all went to see it last weekend! Asked if she remembered. Gave a puzzled look and I said yes, Sarah and Michael are getting very excited about the move that will be happening in about two weeks. They have started packing! Mentioned cats and then she talked about them being at Isabels and how active these are inside the house.
Also talked about Steph attending summer school this year and about decisions ahead for the other cousins -- Kaylee and Chelsea. Not sure about Kaylee, but she said she had visited with Chelsea a few days ago or a week ago (not sure =me). Chelsea came to her house to use the sewing machine and Kaylee had visited last weekend, too! She thinks Chelsea is looking very pretty and I agreed. All positive.
This brings me to a question Isabel asked about Austin. She said yes, Austin is busy, remembers traveling there to get to hotel and stay while Sarah was there. Later she asked if there was a university there in Austin. I said yes, University of Texas -- that is where Stephanie is applying to go for next year. She recalled the busy traffic and maybe a car wasn't needed by Stephanie while in school.
We sat for a while until Jesus' ride to airport came by to get him for his business trip. Jesus asked about dog at your mom's house. She was definite that she didn't want a pet. During childhood, her mom always had pets in the house and she recalled a very large black dog that lived with them. Jesus let Chip be on his lap and she enjoyed watching them relax. Both nearly falling to sleep. We were all full from lunch!
Just about 3PM she started mentioning that she had to get the medicine from Steve to take today. She seemed anxious about getting home. Looking at the clock - Is this the correct time? 3:15PM Oh she says I do have to take the B-12 nasal spray and Steve will give it to me. I asked when did she need to take it or meet with Steve and she said when I get home and call him, then he will come over to give it to me. So I knew there wasn't a set time scheduled. Was there? She couldn't tell me a time.
During lunch I mentioned that I had a lot of organizing to do upstairs and things from one storage area to another to get room set up for guests. This is my goal! Anyway, thought this might get her thinking about her storage closets in the bedrooms and she said yes, she is always getting things organized. It never ends! I know I said as our needs change from time to time. We collect many things over the years of kids moving in and out and leaving items behind. What to do? Ongoing process! She didn't seem to have a goal or reason to complete anything.
Well, on to her house visit. Walked inside IT WAS WARM and stagnant. Many lights were on in rooms throughout the house. She turns on the ceiling fan in living area. Rugs all along different areas(I think these are tripping hazards!) like hallways & entry hall. Sat on couch and talked about rooms she has in her home. She commented how excited she was that house was clean and she loves her home! Will not leave until I die or am "Gone". She commented to me to look how beautiful that room looks. Pointing across in front of us to the dining room. Yes it is nice with the arches and mirrored wall -- she said no I mean the paintings on the wall. (She couldn't tell me in the words that was what she was referring to) Talked about what each painting was - her house in Beaumont - grasping for words of entry walkway - view across the street. Couldn't really say them, but I knew what she meant. The other two she wasn't sure what they were from. I suggested may they were from your travels as the two looked like they were complimentary of each other. She agreed.
While there we went through photo album of Sarah's wedding and remembered the girls. She pointed out people, family -- mostly her grandchildren. Naming them and looking for photos of each to show me that she remembers them. Last entry in the photo album was a small black/white photo of Jesus in the corner of a card that he had written to her on mother's day.
Back to conversation of her moving -- asked about what does she do. I am busy all the time! Walking helps her arthritis - yes I agreed that movement is good. Remembered my dad's problems. Talked about her rooms in the house, she probably only needs a couple. This is a big house for one person to take care of! Oh, but the housekeeper will be coming to clean once a month. I will call and schedule her visits.
Before I left she told me housekeeper will be coming every week!! Which is it?? One room she doesn't use for much, just a bookcase. Other rooms she has office, an extra bed for her when she cannot sleep comfortably in her room.
We talked more about socializing she is doing -- i.e. outing to Rositas with friends and Isabel was the driver and got to attend. I believe she was invited as Isabel #2! A joke your mom told about when you both arrived that night and were greeted by Bernard. Ha! Ha!
Your mom talked about not being able to drive as Doctor said because of her brain. She believes she will be driving again, when she is better. Will not ask people to bring her places! Enjoys going, but doesn't want to be a burden and WILL NOT ASK for a ride anywhere! My segue to retirement living community with transportation to take you all kinds of places. She doesn't want to live in an APARTMENT! There will be stairs to climb, I can't! Not nice people living in there. I said, they are people your age and have lots of activities they enjoy together. "Your children want you to have more social time with people your age!" No, she isn't having any part of this type of living.
She is happy at her home and loves it! I looked around and pointed out a couple of things that need minor maintenance inside and outside. Ceiling edge tape, patio that she can't sweep, weeds she can't bend over to pull. etc. you get the idea. (not meaning to hurt any one's feelings) Just keeping this house is a lot of work. Who will do it for you? Your children are busy and have things they must do at their own houses. Who will do these things for you? She couldn't answer. Gave me a blank stare. Rebutted with I will not move into any other place. I am happy here. I agreed that it is a nice place, same old song and dance about doctors close, community, church, etc. blah, blah, blah.
Said Steve is so nice and very close by. Comes to her house every evening after work. She prepares food for him and they visit for a while. She believes, he doesn't want her to move from this house!
(I think you guys are keeping her in the dark too much! That's my personal opinion.)
Her house is paid for and she doesn't want to spend money on an apartment! I asked her what will she do with the money? You cannot take it with you when you die! No real answer or response.
Reminded her to tell lawncare people to weed all the beds and put out mulch. I asked if they do this and she said yes. I also mentioned that you can get anyone to mow and edge, blow for $25 a trip! The backyard isn't beautiful and it is full of weeds. There are dead plants in the house and a tree that is too big for its pot. I asked if the gardner would take it out she said NO! He will not do anything inside the house! Must be a rule of the company then. She needs a personal attendant to take care of these routine things each month. OR at least seasonally. The house isn't going to last if it isn't cared for properly. (I am giving my opinion about the situation inside the house as I have been there several times over the past month and the dead plant with artificial flowers are still there! Also she has ruined the carpet spraying bug spray and it melted the fibers together!)
Oh, today found the back door to patio from kitchen unlocked! Neither pass lock nor dead bolt was locked.
**I have been patient to keep my mouth shut, but had to let it out today! Not done in a hurtful way. I am in no position to make any decisions about her care as you three are perfectly capable. I recall the situation I was personally in when my mom was ill and decisions had to be made only AFTER she fell and cut her head open! Couldn't live in house without supervision. Heart breaking, but of course she had suffered a stroke previously and was pronounced a miracle that she was able to walk and feed herself within a short time. Brain deterioration is another ball game. I have a family history of Alzheimers disease from at least three uncles and an aunt that I witnessed personally. Not a pretty picture for a young person to see. My aunt many times thought I was her daughter!
Thanks for listening.**
I remain neutral in this matter of care for your mom. Upon leaving today, I wished her good luck with her kids and the situation. I will help when needed. Maybe today wasn't any help to any body.
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