Today was horrible. I went to Mom's house at 8:45 this morning so that I could tell mom (when Ruth got there) that she needed to take a bath. After my telling her for about just two or three minutes, mom went reluctantly with Ruth. Then it started. Mom was screaming. She was cussing about me. She said she'd had it with me. She screamed that she didn't want to take a shower. She screamed about getting fresh clothes. She cussed at Ruth. "Me cago en la re-cono de tu madre." A few minutes later she was screaming "Ay Dios!! Ayudame Dios!! Dios Ayudame!!." Ruth was doing nothing wrong. She was talking very gently to mom and trying to get her to soap up. Mom kept screaming. I was scared that Mom was going to hit Ruth and that I'd have to go in there. When they came out, it was clear that Ruth had been very seriously affected by mom's tirade. Meanwhile, Mom was just laughing.
I talked to Ruth about it and she said this was the worst Mom has ever been. In fact, Ruth said this was the worst any client had ever been. But Ruth was very forgiving, and optimistic that she could eventually get Mom to not behave like that. I'm not so sure. I talked to Is, and we agreed that we would just skip the showers from Ruth for a while. I left Ruth a note and told her no showers for now. Having her feed mom and keep the house and laundry clean and orderly is plenty. At least that way we know mom is in a safe environment.
Since there's been no post for a while, I thought it might be useful to recap some of the activity. These events are not in themselves of any unique significance, but they are representative of what I believe we have all experienced lately and indicative of what I think is her accelerating decline.
- Mom spends a lot of time just staying on the couch. No TV. Nothing. Just staying on the couch.
- Ruth texted me yesterday because mom was very agitated, wondering where Jesus was. I called and reminded mom that J was in LA. Mom called J 3 times yesterday and called Is multiple times with the same concern (I think that's what you guys told me). Again today, Mom was asking where J was.
- Mom called me twice on my way home today, telling me that she had decided that she wanted to host Christmas dinner at her house. She said she had good forks, and she had counted the chairs. She then tried to list all the people that would go. The two calls were identical, about 5 minutes apart. She said that "Vamos a ser en una familia." She repeated that phrase a couple of times.
- Mom called me a couple of days ago on another issue and tried to tell me that family was important. She seemed to have great difficuly, even moreso than usual, in articulating her thoughts.
- Mom was quite critical of Ruth today, even before the shower incident.
- Interesting- I bought mom ice cream a few weeks ago. As of a week later, she had not opened it. Remember when she used to eat it all within a few days? She did the same with a Coke that's been there for a few days. She used to drink it all in two days, now she just leaves it there. Again, she seems to quite quickly be losing behaviors that she was consistently exhibiting just weeks ago. The only thing that she eats is whatever is on the counter, and of course the cheese.
(Drafted 11/2)
Ruth may have 5-day availability in the near future. I think partly she's just waiting for an indication from us that we'll take her that frequently. I've let her know that we would like to -
hhave her go to mom's Mon-Fri. [Note: as of 11/16 we're doing Mon - Thurs]
J raised a good point about Mom getting tired of/ frustrated with the same person every day. This is a real risk. I've heard numerous stories about patients that "fire" their caregivers. However, since the patients are impaired their judgment and decision has to be questioned. Regardless of how mom may react in the future, I think we need to just stay the course.
Ruth would like to take mom to lunch every once in a while and maybe out to the park or the beauty salon. I've let her know that she's free to do all those things. I'm hoping that we can build up enough routine that this becomes much easier. Ruth has made a couple of grocery runs already.
A few kitchen comments:
- it's ok to load the dishwasher
- extra snacks are in the top shelf of the pantry by the desk
- extra yogurt is on the bottom shelf of the fresh in the back corner
- I've been buying frappuccino for mom. She really likes it. It's in the pantry second shelf from the top.
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