Long Post and Update 6/25/11

1. The Dishwasher: In anticipation of finding someone to visit mom on a frequent basis (see below), and somewhat depressed and disgusted at the absence of cleanliness in her house, I straightened up the kitchen after Jesus left to take her to mass today. I threw away lots of small pieces of trash that had accumulated on the countertops. I then decided to put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher. The picture to the right shows what I found when I opened the dishwasher. That was "the smell." I have no idea how long it's been like that. This introduces a number of issues: How has she been washing dishes (if she's been doing so at all)? There was almost no dishwashing soap at her house. Why didn't she say anything about this? What else might be messed up that we have no idea about? I try to check her lint trap, garbage disposal, plumbing, etc, but who knows what other dangers might exist that we simply haven't discovered yet? I drained the dishwasher (second picture) and cleverly disabled it by removing the start knob (third picture). I'll clean it later when the slimy gunk dries out completely, but then what? Perhaps my brother and I can test and diagnose the dishwasher and decide whether it needs to be fixed, can be fixed, or needs to be replaced.
   
2. Hiring someone to visit mom: A goal for me this week is to interview agencies that can have someone come in to see mom every other day or so, do what they call "light housekeeping," prepare her lunch, and ... I don't know what else they do. I believe this is a logical next step and transitional step to either another living arrangement or more intense maintenance and oversight. Besides, I'd feel better knowing she has at least some additional interaction. She's at risk no matter what. It only takes a second for an accident to happen. The only way she's going to have full-time oversight is if she moves into some kind of memory care facility. I'll let you know how the interviews go so we can decide what's next.
3. The other reason I decided to take this step is because it was truly depressing to see the squalor mom is living in right now. For some reason, it struck me the other night when I went by to see her. I found old food (expired 11/2007) on her countertop. She had trash all over the countertop. She had silverware on the coffee table, etc. She's going to make herself sick one day eating rotten food. Besides, we've all had great concerns about her diet. Her diet isn't a function of what we buy her, the problem is she can't prepare the food. Every time I walk into her bathroom and see these lamps plugged in by the sink, it just scares me. We need to get all that electrical stuff out of the bathroom. However, having her hot curlers anywhere else doesn't seem really safe either. Can we just take that stuff away?
4. By the way, remember when she had that really bad nose bleed a few years back? I wonder if that was somehow related to these other vascular issues. She's also been complaining about muscle spasms in her eye for abut a month.
5. Thursday night, I told her I had called the lawn guy to come by the next day (Friday) to cut the grass. She was confused by this, and said, "Ya yo corto la yierba." I asked her how she did this. She said that she went out everyday with the water hose and sprayed water on the dark spots. I explained the difference between that and cutting the grass. She didn't get it.
6. She's not using the new remote control for the TV. I got the simplest one I could find.
7. I took her grocery shopping last night. She was out of toilet paper. I ask her every time whether she needs toilet paper. She always says no. She was completely out of toilet paper when I went over there last night. It is very irrational of me to expect her to be able to understand whether she has "enough" of anything Such conclusions require a level of executive functioning (analyzing and deciding) that she simply no longer has.
8. Please remember if she ever implies that she needs my "permission" for anything this is a construct of her own making. She calls me every time Is calls to ask mom over, and then mom asks me if she can / should go. Please know that I don't encourage this nor do I promote it in any way. Nonetheless, to the extent that she takes on the child role more and more over time, I suppose it's ok that she feels she needs our "permission" to do things. That's probably better for her safety anyway.
9. She's now on the 1000 mg Ceraxon so she only needs one a day.
10. Finally, I talked to her quite seriously about her moving out of the house. She was a bit annoyed at me. However, since I say it to her so often we didn't fight. I told her for about 10 minutes straight how she would be safer and healthier in a new living arrangement, how awful we would all feel if something happened to her, how they would come haul me off to jail for not taking good care of her, etc. I'm going to continue pushing, little by little but more and more (and more seriously) on this issue. We will eventually reach the point where we will have no option other than to move her.